we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I touched a dick in church today
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
