I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
