News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
