Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
