last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
