Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
