shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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