omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
