She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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