She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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