I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
