Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
