Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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