every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
