what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
A bitchslap is in order.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
