He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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