I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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