god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
