I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize