There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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