hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
