Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
