I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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