Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Who died my cat blue again?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
