I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
