I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
