She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
