What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
