Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
