i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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