I'm really into asian looking animals
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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