I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
