i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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