I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
