I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
did i walk over a car last night?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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