Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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