he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
