Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
