3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
