This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
