He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
