it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
