No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
