when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
