I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
