It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
