Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We don't watch enough power rangers
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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