I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
