i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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