I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
