dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
