Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
