Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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