Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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