WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
