im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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