tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
