i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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