It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
