i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
