Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
