a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
