a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Two words: blizzard sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
