I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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