i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
