Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Randomize
