Cold hands, warm shart.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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