All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
