hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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