Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
