My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
